


Forgetting and Painfully Remembering

by Diary



Category: Scandal (TV)
Genre: Alternate Season/Series 05, Angst, Awkward Conversations, Bechdel Test Fail, Bottle Episode Fic, Canon Gay Character, Episode AU: s05e19 Buckle Up, Family, Honesty, Late Night Conversations, M/M, POV Male Character, POV Michael Ambruso, POV Queer Character, Post-Season/Series 04 AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-29
Updated: 2016-04-29
Packaged: 2018-06-05 05:18:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6691204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diary/pseuds/Diary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A radically different take on Michael and Cyrus from s5e19. Complete.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forgetting and Painfully Remembering

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Scandal.

It’s not funny, but he finds himself laughing.

They have an arrangement, and he supposes he shouldn’t have forgot.

He’s slept with enough married men to know all the signs of cheating there are, but until Alex Vargas came around, he didn’t-

He wonders if Cyrus was even actively trying to hide anything. In Cyrus’s mind, this isn’t cheating, and however much it hurts, Michael will give him the fact it’s not his fault Michael is feeling said hurt.

They haven’t had sex in over a month, Cyrus has slept in his own room and at the Grand District Hotel with increasing frequency, and there have been times he came home and it was clear he’d taken a shower before coming.

Just like most of the wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, and even some husbands Michael has helped men cheat on, even if he had thought to be suspicious, he would have rationalised it. Cyrus is a workaholic who occasionally needs some time away from other people in order to relax. He’s selective about what work he brings home, and he’ll do anything necessary to make sure he never puts himself in a situation where he gets irritated by Ella and yells at or even speaks harshly to her.

Again, he wonders if Cyrus was actively trying to hide anything. Cyrus never lied about where he was, and apparently, this Tom guy works for Cyrus, and so, when Cyrus said anything about “working”, there probably was work been done before, after, or in between the screwing.

If Cyrus wanted to be cruel, he’d have no problem saying, “I was getting my rocks off with someone else,” and giving details, but since he doesn’t want to be cruel, it’d just be common politeness or human decency or something too trivial to mention to not allude to the affair.

Arrangement, he dully reminds himself. Some people use ‘affair’ to mean any non-married relationship, but to him, it’s always meant cheating.

His mind goes to Ella. He’s signed guardianship papers over her, but Cyrus would never let him fully adopt her. Cyrus would expose the sham marriage, how Michael tried to help Elizabeth blackmail him, and even throw in the fact, Michael did technically breach the contract a week before the wedding, and no judge would ever give Michael any sort of visitation rights to her, let alone shared custody.

The fact Michael helps her with her homework, cooks her meals, talks to other parents and teachers, and most importantly, loves her wouldn’t matter. Cyrus once held one of the highest jobs in the land, charges were never pressed for him hiring a hooker, the fact he did it shortly after his husband died and was almost blackmailed over it makes his character slightly more sympathetic, and he can hire a full-time nanny and a whole household staff to watch over her. A judge might be sympathetic to the fact a kid needs a truly involved parent who loves her, not a workaholic who pays other people to deal with her, but all they could do was recommend Cyrus consider letting Michael stay a part of her life.

And he doesn’t want to analyse himself too much for this, but he doesn’t even want to leave.

Naïve, stupid, whatever he is, he likes Cyrus and the life they’ve been building together.

Cyrus didn’t betray him, but not being angry isn’t the same as not being hurt.

“Hey, have you seen my-”

From his place on the bed, he jumps, and Cyrus says, “Sorry. Didn’t mean to startle you.”

Nodding, he asks, “What are you looking for?”

“My purple tie.”

“You hate your purple tie.”

Cyrus shrugs. “For reasons I can’t fathom, people like me in purple.”

“Here,” Michael says. Getting off the bed, he goes over to get it out of the drawer. “It does bring out your eyes,” he offers.

Accepting it, Cyrus makes a quiet sound. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” He steels himself. “Are you cheat- are you sleeping with someone else?”

Pausing in tying the tie, Cyrus looks over. “Where is this coming from?”

“When you were paying me, you knew I was sleeping with other men. We were always safe, and I was being honest about the fact I was always safe with them, but you knew that there was always a slight risk. It’s not in the contract, but I think we can both agree that I have the same right to know.”

Sighing, Cyrus nods. “Yes. I haven’t slept with you since before I started sleeping with him, and he and I are always safe. Get tested if it’ll set your mind at ease, but I promise you, I never put you at any risk.”

Cyrus finishes adjusting the tie. “Is that all?”

Sitting down on the bed, Michael asks, “If I asked you to stop, would you?”

“No,” is Cyrus’s blunt response.

He stares ahead and waits for the sound of Cyrus leaving, but to his surprise, he feels a dip in the bed. “I don’t know what else you want me to say, Michael.”

“I sort of forgot we had an arrangement,” he admits. “Since we got married, it’s only been you. But we do. Have an arrangement.”

“Yes,” Cyrus agrees. Then, he makes an exasperated sound. “I can get up and leave, or we can try talking about this. In complete honesty, I’d think it’d be better for me to leave, but I have a feeling you think the opposite. I’ve never put you at risk. What else is this about?”

Rubbing his eyes, he chances a glance over. “Tell me why. What is he giving you that I’m not?”

“Nothing,” Cyrus answers. “Sexually, I mean. He’s brilliant at his job, but-” Letting out a groan, he says, “I’m not a good person, Michael. You knew that when you married me. Maybe over time, you’ve managed to forget or convince yourself otherwise. Maybe I should have paid more attention, seen you forgetting or convincing yourself otherwise, and done the kind thing and reminded you.”

He starts to respond, but Cyrus says, “Let me finish. I- don’t quite understand why you’re hurt. I’m sorry you are, but unlike before, when I was Satan to you, I’m not in the wrong here or being unfair. I have been discreet, I have been safe, and yes, you’re right, so you can make informed choices, I should have told you, but you were never at risk, and I haven’t lied about anything. If you find someone special or even just want a quickie with a stranger, I’m not going to stop you or make you feel bad, as long as you keep the terms.”

“Meaning you aren’t going to care,” he notes. Blinking away the tears, he looks over. “You haven’t really answered: Why? Yes, I’m hurt, and it’s fine to say what we’re both thinking, that I have no one to blame but myself. I started to believe- no, actually, I did believe that you and I had a happy, normal relationship. I thought, once the election was over, you’d be back in our- one of our beds with me. That you’d stop being too tired and busy to have sex. That me, you, and our daughter-”

Seeing Cyrus’s look, he warns, “Don’t correct me. I’d never try to diminish James in her eyes or how much he loved her. But even though I only have guardianship over her, I love her and take care of her. Whether she calls me ‘Uncle Michael’ or some form of ‘dad’, she’s my daughter, too.”

Cyrus simply nods.

“Anyway, I thought, a year or two after the election, we could all go on a family vacation together. Obviously, I was just like all the people men used to cheat on with me, and fine, for the sake of Ella, I’ll get over. I need to know why, though. Do you love him? Does he love you? Is it the fact you can never fully trust me? Are you just going to keep finding different young guys to screw? Is it that James was so special no one else can ever have the same love and loyalty he had from you, or is it just me?”

“Okay,” Cyrus says. He takes Michael’s hand and gives a gentle squeeze. “Let’s start with the last one. In bed, I never betrayed James. I was never even tempted. However, there are other ways to betray someone. On this, I’m probably never going to tell you the whole story, but I hurt James terribly. The night he was- he’d finally forgiven me. By all rights, he shouldn’t have, and that night, he didn’t say it, but in his eyes, I saw that I was forgiven.”

“Short of lying, I can’t tell you anything but: Yes, he was that special. No one, not even you, can ever have anything close to what I felt for him from me. That being said, I do trust you, Michael. I do care for you. If possible, I’d like for you to be happy. I know I take it for granted, but I truly appreciate all you do for Ella. She is lucky to have you, and I’m lucky to have someone like you for her.”

Letting out a breath, Michael lays his head on Cyrus’s shoulder.

“As for the other things- I told you that day right before we married that I hurt, and in James’s case, destroyed him and Janet both. I’ve done bad things. I’ve done illegal things. I’d go so far as to say I’ve done unforgivable things. You should understand that, but you’re a good person, and I’m not going to risk destroying you, too, or myself by letting you see the whole truth of me.”

“His name is Tom,” Cyrus continues. “And he’s known me for years, but I didn’t truly know him until recently. We worked together in the White House. I care about him. That doesn’t mean he’s a good person, either. Whether he cares about me- I don’t know. I wish I did. What he can give me is the fact he can see every monstrous thing about me, and he doesn’t judge, he isn’t at risk of being hurt, and he can still happily touch me. I can truly be all that I am with him.”

“Finally, I wasn’t looking for anything else. Every time we had sex, I felt lucky. If we hadn’t been, the honest truth is that I probably never would have gone looking for it elsewhere. I’d’ve just stuck to my hand. Tom rather abruptly and somewhat strangely reappeared back in my life, and the next thing I knew, it’d gone from working together to more.” Cyrus gives a gentle shrug.

Closing his eyes, Michael focuses on both of their breathing.

Eventually, he moves his head and straightens. “For all you go around lying to others, I do appreciate the fact you’ve made honesty your policy with me, Cy. Alex Vargas came over with photos. Gotta admit, despite the graininess, Tom is a good looking guy. More disturbingly, he kept talking about his brother’s shooting. He’s convinced Tom and you had something to do with it. With the deaths of those three officers.”

“Oh,” Cyrus groans.

“I’m going to interpret that as you being exasperated with this punk kid pathetically grasping at desperate straws to get you off his brother’s campaign. I really, really hope that even you wouldn’t do something so horrible, but if you would, keep being kind and keep me in the dark. I’m not going to help you do bad things. If you ever do anything to Ella, if she ever gets hurt because of something you did, I will go as far as to kill you, Cyrus, if that’s what it takes to get her away from you. And I have favours that I can call in so that it would be covered up, and I’d get custody over Olivia or whoever else you might want.”

“Otherwise, for her sake, we’re on the same page. We have an arrangement. I won’t forget that again.”

“I understand,” Cyrus softly tells him.

“Good.”

He stands up and starts to head for the bathroom.

“Michael.”

Stopping, he turns.

Cyrus stands up and comes over. “I am sorry I’ve hurt you. This isn’t an excuse, it’s a fact: I didn’t mean to. If I’d known what I was doing would, I would have tried to- Hurting you wasn’t intentional.”

He nods.

“I’m not going to stop sleeping with him, but if there’s anything else I can do to make this better for you-” Cyrus waits.

“I don’t like sleeping alone. I understand, sometimes, it really can’t be avoided. After you’ve had sex with him, come back home to our bed. If the two of you fall in love, we’ll have to talk more. Otherwise, I am your husband, and I do feel that gives me more of a right to just sleep beside you than he has.”

Giving him a puzzled look, Cyrus nevertheless nods. “I promise, unless it really can’t be avoided, I’ll be here at night for you to sleep next to.”

“Thank you.” Pushing past, he goes to the bathroom.


End file.
